Tag Archives: News Briefs

News Briefs for Friday, March 12

Man opens a temporary eight-track tape museum in Denton, Texas, just north of Dallas. Folks pondering a Blu-ray museum should take note.

Alternatives to iPad considered, including HP’s Slate, Archos’ Home Tablet, or not being out several hundred dollars on a first generation electronic device.

Used CD stores free up space for newest American Idol crop.

DNA tests have revealed King Tut’s previously-unknown father was the heretical pharaoh Akhenaten. Sources report it was a very touching episode of Tyra.

Male figure skater apparently too gay for “Stars on Ice” show. Wait, what?

News Briefs for Thursday, March 11

Disney shareholders reject proposal to expand non-discrimination policy to include “ex-gays,” otherwise known as “self-hating closet cases.”

WOLVERINES!

Men want sex until almost dead, or until they ejaculate, whichever comes first.

GOP candidate for CA governorship unclear on the whole “press conference” concept.

Former MI5 chief alleges that US leaders were inspired to torture by watching “24.” Are you shocked? We’re shocked.

News Briefs for Wednesday, March 10

Privacy groups in Britain angry over micro-chips that charge them for the amount of garbage they throw away, despite the microchips not actually doing that.

Bank of America informs their customers that they are NOT too big to fail.

British motorists complain about speed camera “cash cow.” Slowing the fuck down apparently not an option.

Economic disparity in America is so bad that median wealth for single black women is $5. No joke, we just felt like raising your blood pressure.

Tasmanian Devils with cancer immunity may save species. No cure yet for being tricked by cross-dressing rabbits.

News Briefs for Tuesday, March 9

Hand sanitizers prove to be ineffective in preventing infection. In other news, water is still wet.

Supreme Court to hear Westboro Baptist case. Universe expected to implode should Scalia and Phelps touch.

Home-schoolers prepped for lifetime of ignorance and fear.

Gun store owner upset over his Little League sponsorship being rejected. We can think of no reason why officials would be nervous over angry, drunk parents being reminded about guns when their kid’s team loses.