In an article for Philadelphia “Family Newspaper” The Bulletin (no relation), Susan Brinkman makes several video games of varying degrees of popularity sound about a thousand times more awesome than they actually are by insisting that the games contain dangerously irreligious themes.
• Tecmo’s Deception: Invitation To Darkness (Playstation) – Players “make an unholy pact and sell their soul to Satan in exchange for power” with the object of the game being to ensure the resurrection of Satan and obtain his power. (This game is rated “T” for teens.)
• Nocturne (Playstation 2): A game in which the hero (a demon) destroys the three Archangels St. Michael, Gabriel and Raphael, then goes on to destroy God.
• Shadow Hearts (Playstation 2): The hero uses his power to intercept and destroy God and “save the world.” (Some games in this series are rated “T”.)
• Dragon’s Age Origins (Playstation 3/Xbox 360): The game revolves around the story of God going mad and cursing the world. A witch attacks believers and players can “have sex” with her in a pagan act called “blood magic” so she can “give birth to a god.” Another scenario allows players to have sex with a demon in exchange for a boy’s soul.
Curiously absent from the list of problems with the games are interminable cut scenes and hundreds of hours of pointless level grinding.
Frankly, we’re just pleasantly relieved to find a conservative objection to Dragon Age that doesn’t involve complaints about gay elves.
When I tell people I read comics, the response I get is usually, “Like Batman?” And you know which (BAM! POW!) Batman they’re thinking of.
Likewise, when I tell people I play boardgames, I often get, “Like Monopoly?”
However, I’m not sure which Monopoly they’re thinking of. Are they thinking of Star Wars Monopoly? I am, after all, something of a Star Wars fan. Of course, I also like comics, too, so it could be the Justice League or Marvel Comics Monopoly. Maybe they’re thinking of Historical Boston Monopoly. Or Coca-Cola Monopoly. Or Hard Rock Cafe Monopoly. Or one of any of the 1794 (and counting) licensed and unlicensed versions of this dreadful game. Whichever one they mean, the answer is no. Not like Monopoly.
Dollars to donuts there are pictures of her sitting in a bathtub in an old house wearing a gas mask somewhere on the internet.
A world-famous lingerie model is believed to run one of the largest drug empires in the world, employing other models to ferry the drugs throughout the world. In related news, the writing staffs of the various Law & Order and CSI franchises have engaged in knife fights to see who gets to write this episode.