If you’re not ready to make the jump to nose piercings, these magnets will make it easy to experiment before you commit. Not for use during auto-erotic asphyxiation, so don’t even try it, buster.
(from this auction)

Because having those unblinking, soulless eyes gazing back at you would be, you know, creepy.
(from this auction)

By the time the Girls Gone Mowing video series hit Volume XIX, “Sexy Seniors on Sod,” the marketplace pretty much had its fill of this kind of exploitative production. But still, that last installment gave its starring Grandmas plenty of Christmas money to give to the grandchildren that year:
“Why does this five dollar bill smell like beer and old linen?”
“Never you mind…Granny worked hard for that money, and you just buy yourself some candybars or something with that.”
Ad from Life, May 28, 1951.

An army of tiny girls, standing rigidly at attention, whose only function is to be roughly handled and squeezed while yanking stray hairs painfully out of one’s body, and stored away in a box on a shelf when not needed, unable to complain or protest about their treatment?
I believe we’ve achieved fetish bingo, my friends.
(from this auction)

Someone out there is probably on board with this being A Fetish for him or her, what with their somewhat unusual attraction to large noses on display stands, but the deal breaker is that it’s carved from wood. “Why couldn’t it have been terracotta? WHYYYYYY???”
(from this eBay auction)

Someone, somewhere, can only find that certain level of…satisfaction by reaching into his/her pocket and firmly grasping their fuzzy and warm kangaroo scrotum keychain. Well, today is that person’s lucky day, my friends:

According to the auction listing, “as many other parts of the kangaroo are used as possible in an effort to recycle the entire animal,” in case you were worried that there was an army of kangaroo castrati populating all those Outback opera houses.
(from this auction)

In the immortal and possibly slightly paraphrased words of noted philosopher Jamie Farr (from one of his appearances on The Gong Show): “What you see is what you got, what you don’t see might be hot!”
Oh, Mr. Squirrel in Underpants…you are such a tease!
Though thinking on this further…the auction reads as follows:
“Are you sick and tired of squirrels running naked in the trees around your house?  Have you had to hide your children’s eyes when a tiny furry streaker crosses the sidewalk in front of you?”
I’m assuming these squirrels were …

From Scooby-Doo: Pirates Ahoy, we have a little something for the ladies and 10% of the men:

And we here we have a little something for…for…

…oh dear.
“My sweater smells like Scooby snacks!” “Think that’s bad, my purple dress smells like pot.”
…Yes, that was a “Shaggy is totally a doper” joke. I apologize sincerely, and I hope to have this box of Jokes from A Decade or So Ago sealed up and put back into storage shortly.

For you folks out there who would’ve preferred the Bring It On series of films if the girls just weren’t so damned meaty.
From this site, where you can also find a skeleton bride, a Marilyn Monroe skeleton (for when x-rays just aren’t enough), and a hippie chick skeleton, which…ew, ick,  there’s no way that can be a fetish for anyone, even if you are into skeleton gals. I mean, c’mon.

Ah, for the innocent days when a love between a woman and a piece of machinery was implied and innocently romantic, rather than demonstrated in graphic, graphic detail on those websites you pretend you don’t know about.
(ad from Life Magazine, 6-13-1969)