For when you want your lover’s eyes always upon you, even while sleeping. Well, sort of upon you, in a Marty Feldman-esque sort of way.

(from this eBay auction)

“Sir, I’m afraid we here at the TSA will need to stroke and fondle the palms and backs of your hands for the next twenty minutes or so. Please step over here.”

(from this auction)

Here is a pile of naked and/or mostly naked Mary Kate and Ashley dolls:

I promise you that there will be someone out there, searching the Googles with his sweaty hand frenetically tapping at the keyboard, who mentally heard the sad trombone noise when hitting the last word in that first sentence.

To that person, I give my heartfelt apologies and bid you well wishes in your future internet searches, sir! Godspeed, my horny and probably monitored-by-the-FBI friend…Godspeed.

(from this auction)

And sometimes I just throw something out there because I’m certain that some element of the image is a particular…”trigger” for some of you folks out there:

…and if there’s any part of this picture that does it for you, please do me a favor and keep it to yourself. I really don’t want to know.

(from Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse Club Magazine Vol. 1 #1 , Winter 1956)

Yes, yes, we know some of you folks have a thing for your Stern Schoolmarms and your Secretly Hot Librarians If They’d Just Let Their Hair Down, and your Lisa Loebs, but some of you may be a bit…jaded, perhaps in need of something more…extreme, shall we say.

Perhaps this will temporarily satisfy your increasingly more demanding needs:

(From this Amazon listing.)

So today’s Fetish entry may be Not Safe for Work:

…but honestly, should you really be looking at anything with the word “Fetish” in the title if this is going to be a problem at your job?

Anyway, please enjoy this set of drinking mugs shaped like breasts (or, as the eBay auction title would have it, “Nice Pair Women’s Boobs Breasts Jugs Beer Mug Glasses,” which says it all, almost literally).

Ideal for milk-drinking, I’m assuming.

So there I was, watching Star Wars Uncut, a fan-film project where the original film was divided up into very short segments which were then each remade in a variety of styles by volunteer amateur filmmakers…when suddenly, this was on the screen:

Star Wars Uncut – Scene 12 from Faiyaz Jafri on Vimeo.

I fell a great disturbance in the Internet, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Jill Whitlow, with a flamethrower, wearing a formal gown, from the 1986 film Night of the Creeps.

For more information on this scene that makes your pants feel funny, read more about it

‘Tis the season for dressing up as scary critters and weird beasties and as a suave horseheaded gentleman, with a snazzy robe and a soothing drink and an imported cigar:

HELLO, LADIES.

(found via an old eBay auction)

Behold: the Hook, Line and Stinker Toilet Fishing Game:

On one hand, it could have been worse…he could have been casting into the bowl for — look, I don’t want to say “brown trout,” but I don’t think I really have any choice here.

On the other hand, this could explain the rash of pantless fishermen currently terrorizing American’s waterways. The corrupting influence of game manufacturers strikes again.

(from here)