Category Archives: News Briefs

Your daily dose of headlines selected by The Bureau Chiefs

News Briefs for Tuesday, March 2

News Briefs for Friday, February 26

News Briefs for Thursday, February 25

In most awesome story ever, bikers steal pirate skull.

Sgt. Savage enforces traffic regulations in Dorset, misses years spent fighting COBRA.

Real life FIGHT CLUB turns out to be tremendously bad idea.

We would also accept “Snowlocaust,” “Snownami,” or “The Jay Leno Snow.”

Mall scene of incredibly obvious metaphor for Dubai economy.

Lady Gaga scarecrow proves more effective than Madonna, Kylie scarecrows.

Native Americans rake in millions of dollars from oil discovered on tiny bit of their land they’ve been allowed to have.

News Briefs for Wednesday, February 24

A world-famous lingerie model is believed to run one of the largest drug empires in the world, employing other models to ferry the drugs throughout the world. In related news, the writing staffs of the various Law & Order and CSI franchises have engaged in knife fights to see who gets to write this episode.

Wrong lessons learned from Carrie Prejean’s career arc.

Newton, Mass. ranked 2nd richest American city, states its affection for quirky blue collar suburb from across the tracks is genuine.

Anti-bullying bill advances in Mass. legislature despite opponents’ sharp questions about its masculinity, taste in clothes, and inability to perform a single push-up.

“Big Government” regulators quash the free market once again.

A man accused of shooting a fellow college student had several weapons, including two assault rifles, in his fraternity house. Only when ALL drunken frat boys are armed will there be less shooting.

Navy to allow women on subs. In other news…yes, we just checked, we ARE in the 21st century.