Republican who opposed health-care reform demands day one free government health care. Irony goes to bed complaining of a headache.
MySpace becomes self-aware, gives in to just being that place you can listen for free to songs you don’t want to buy.
Germany increases airport security in response to terrorism threat; bizarrely doesn’t feel need to grope little girls, take naked pictures of travelers.

Further Reading
John McCain: Now Not the Time to Repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
Gays in the military
McCain is still on the wrong side of history
DADT STUDY LEAK:Repeal Will Not Undermine Military During Time Of War
About “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Reality concedes to Sarah Palin’s nonsense in what we have to admit is a pretty solid metaphor for her political career.
Vivid Video loses lucrative Presidential cameo to HANGOVER 2.
HARRY POTTER actor now free to win Darwin Award.
FOX News announces Beatles now from Manchester.

Your annoying, conspiracy theory believing co-worker proven right.
Porpoises save beloved movie and TV star, let hundreds of regular people drown every year.
Search begins for judge who can repeatedly say “What What (In The Butt)” without giggling.

Monopoly game leads to shooting. Unfortunately, the bullet missed the game.
Woman accused of trying to sell baby to buy car, in a shocking display of how economic hardships have hit America. You used to be able to get two cars, maybe a small condo for a baby.
GOP governors opposing health-care reform because they hate big government might actually make it easier for the federal government to take over health-care in their states. Oops.
Arizona anti-immigrant law working as intended.

Lou Dobbs will be joining the Fox Business Network’s line-up. “Wow, really? It took that long?” said the year 2001.
Business majors show excellent potential for corporate positions.
Probable head of House Energy Committee denies existence of global warming, cites God’s promise to Noah. Satire officially redundant.
Roy Liechtenstein painting sells for $42.6 million, almost $42.6 million times the page rate of the artist who drew the original panel from which it was swiped.

New direct path to hell discovered.
Republicans turning on each other, offering hoped-for preview of their plans for the next two years.
On the bright side, several thousand people’s vacation is being extended.
Watchdog group reveals White House doctored data to pursue policy goal. This isn’t unusual, but the fact that the policy worked AGAINST Coporate interests has led some to call for a young priest and an old priest.

Further Reading
Fuzzy Math Dogs Obama’s Asia Trip
President Obama says $10 billion in trade deals with India will lead to more U.S. jobs
Obama endorses India for U.N. Security Council seat
Obama’s “$200 Million A Day” India Trip Exposed! Then Debunked! But… Questions Remain!

Being friends with Jeffrey Dahmer more than just a great pick-up line.
Queen Elizabeth joins FaceBook, “likes” Majorca. British warships depart for Spain.
California’s secret secession plan prematurely revealed.

Buck successfully passed in BP oil spill investigation.
Activist judges legislate from the bench.
Amazon announces plan to buy Diapers.com and Soap.com parent company. Shut ins rejoice.