Submitted for your approval: Not only did Halliburton know the concrete mix they supplied for BP’s Macondo oil well was unstable all along, but it turns out “To Serve Man” IS ACTUALLY A COOKBOOK!
Mount Everest climbers can now surf the internet and make video calls through a 3G network. Elevator service to summit Starbucks opens next spring.
TV stations plan to air even more campaign ads, even past election day, due to their lucrative nature. Thanks, Citizens United!

Old photo discovered. Not the oldest photo, or even the oldest photo of a human, just a really old photo. Yes, apparently this is “news.”
Tea Party support for Republican candidates prompting many Republican voters to support Democrats. Whoops.
Indiana cuts budget for social services severely, tells parents of mentally disabled children to drop them off at homeless shelters when aid money stops arriving. We eagerly await discovering which candidate will decide to defend this.

“Hobbit” crisis talks end without resolution. Orc/human tensions remain high as forced evacuations resume along the Helm’s Deep Strip and shellings continue for the fourth straight oh wait we’re talking about moving a fucking movie shoot.
Man who stomped on woman’s head wants woman to apologize to him for making him stomp on her head. Corpse of Orwell acting all smug.
Stunt casting no longer worth the hassle for major franchise.

Further Reading
Tea Party climate change deniers funded by BP and other major polluters
European Energy Companies Funding Climate Skeptic Campaigns in the U.S.
‘U.S.’ Chamber Of Commerce Is Fueled By Foreign Oil

Democratic Party finds scapegoat for any losses in this years elections.
Unusually high number of special Red Sox license plates go to politician, her friends, family. Her defense: “I wasn’t sure there would be 1500 Red Sox fans in Boston.”
White House meets with gay groups on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, sends out e-mail message warning that meeting will be cut short if groups actually question the White House about their handling of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy.
Crocodile causes plane crash. Why he was even flying the plane, we have no …

So today’s Fetish entry may be Not Safe for Work:

…but honestly, should you really be looking at anything with the word “Fetish” in the title if this is going to be a problem at your job?
Anyway, please enjoy this set of drinking mugs shaped like breasts (or, as the eBay auction title would have it, “Nice Pair Women’s Boobs Breasts Jugs Beer Mug Glasses,” which says it all, almost literally).
Ideal for milk-drinking, I’m assuming.

Barney Frank’s Republican challenger, claiming “no absolute right to serve” in the military, compares gay people to short people. Hate groups set to adopt “Randy Newman Doctrine.”
Black Republican candidates accuse GOP of ignoring them and not helping them get elected. Wait, try to contain your shock.
Randy Quaid and wife flee to Canada after minor crime spree, claiming fear of Hollywood “death list.” Current polls give Quaid a commanding lead in Nevada Senate race.
Mormon parents rejected for leadership positions by Cub Scouts for not being the right kind of Christian. Gay …

If you ever get an e-mail from a journalist, there’s one portion of it you should pay attention to more than any other. No, it’s not the part where they’re asking you about how you said seeing Muslims made you eat your own arm off once; it’s the sign-off.
If it’s “Cheers,” you’re cool. You did OK. If …

GOP candidate says “violent uprising” against the government is “on the table.” But liberals are the real terrorists. Apparently.
Survey finds that two out of three Americans believe anti-gay messages from Churches contribute to suicides of gay youth. Conservative religious leaders shrug, continue to buy Pilate brand hand soap.
Research shows that tough-to-read fonts, including Comic Sans, facilitate learning. Graphic designers quit their jobs en masse, join remote monasteries.

Crazy doomsayers given last minute “out.”
GOP gives up courting Latino voters, creates Spanish-language ad urging Latinos to not even bother to vote. In other news, GOP’s face reports that it doesn’t miss its nose at all.
24,000 people quit state church of Finland within past week over anti-gay policies. American conservatives shocked that religious Finns actually take that whole Matthew 25:40 thing seriously.