Congress decides not to bother with doing anything until latest popularity contest is resolved.
Planet discovered which could be capable of supporting life. Mineral exploitation rights already sold to BP.
Rahm Emmanuel reportedly stepping down from White House post to run for Mayor of Chicago. Supporters eagerly looking forward to being told to shut up about the issues they care about and give more money to the campaign.

George Lucas unveils new “wash, rinse, repeat” step for his bank account.
Woman who made a point of emphasizing that lying is such a terrible sin that she would never do it, even to save someone’s life, found to have lied about her education.
President Obama gives most painfully obvious speech ever.
Right-wing film-maker turns out to be even creepier than anyone imagined.

Further Reading
Brief on Cleric’s Case Uses State Secrets Argument
Obama aruges his assassination program is a “state secret.”
CIA seeks to gag critics of terror hit list

Los Angeles slightly hotter than usual for one day.
President Obama pushes for longer school year. Vegas oddsmakers split on whether GOP more likely to denounce schools or calenders.
Democrats who complained about massive government violations of civil liberties and privacy during previous administration attempt to leave room before any inconvenient questions get asked.

Behold: the Hook, Line and Stinker Toilet Fishing Game:

On one hand, it could have been worse…he could have been casting into the bowl for — look, I don’t want to say “brown trout,” but I don’t think I really have any choice here.

On the other hand, this could explain the rash of pantless fishermen currently terrorizing American’s waterways. The corrupting influence of game manufacturers strikes again.

(from here)

Keynote address at quisling convention proves to be controversial.
Video game industry discovers that giving services away increases their customer base but decreases profits. Industry leaders plan to next check on these reports that smashing your hand with a hammer might result in broken bones.
Report finds that significant numbers of FBI agents cheated on a test regarding surveillance laws. Many agents reportedly copied off their neighbor’s paper, but no points were given for following the spirit of the test.

If you ever get an e-mail from a journalist, there’s one portion of it you should pay attention to more than any other. No, it’s not the part where they’re asking you about the romantic night you spent in the gorilla cage; it’s the sign-off.
If it’s “Cheers,” you’re cool. You did OK. If it’s “Regards,” you pissed somebody off, and you better figure out how to fix things, quick.
We apply those same tenets here, every week.
CHEERS to Slate.com’s Jack Shafer for continuing to call out  bogus trend stories. 
REGARDS to the editor …

Sinking of Titanic caused by navigational error, need for new book.
More false evidence for an ancient Earth uncovered; Satan sought for questioning.
Verizon not getting iPhone any time soon, will have to use existing plans to gouge customers.
Spring cleaning announced for musicians, television stars, rich kids at private schools.
Productivity wasted making jokes about Facebook’s outage improving users’ productivity greater than productivity wasted during normal Facebook operations.

October’s here, which means the trailers for the winter’s Oscar bait are making their premieres and cheapie scary movies are released upon the teenaged public — complete with a new Saw installment. September was mostly a pretty grim month for movies, but October promises something a bit better: A wider mix of good talent and subject matter, from high brow to low.
OCTOBER 1

Let Me In
DW: At the best of times, I’m pretty skeptical of both vampire films and of remakes of horror films. The pedigree for this story of a …