Pennsylvania finally leads way in something.
One more piece of FRIENDS reunion falls into place.
Rush hour commuters on 101 Freeway no longer allowed to complain.
Hey, at the very least we get to throw the word “topless” onto our website, and that should be good for some page views and ad displays.
Populace encouraged by New World Order to receive mandatory injections of tracking microchips.

By the time the Girls Gone Mowing video series hit Volume XIX, “Sexy Seniors on Sod,” the marketplace pretty much had its fill of this kind of exploitative production. But still, that last installment gave its starring Grandmas plenty of Christmas money to give to the grandchildren that year:
“Why does this five dollar bill smell like beer and old linen?”
“Never you mind…Granny worked hard for that money, and you just buy yourself some candybars or something with that.”
Ad from Life, May 28, 1951.

Comic fans show usual regard for ethical issues.
CNN asks most easily answered rhetorical question ever.
Alligator found in New York sewer, Snopes goes into “damage control” mode.
Los Angeles builds nation’s most expensive school; James Cameron to direct.

If you ever get an e-mail from a journalist, there’s one portion of it you should pay attention to more than any other. No, it’s not the part where they’re asking you about your dead-people voter registration drive; it’s the sign-off.
If it’s “Cheers,” you’re cool. You did OK. If it’s “Regards,” you …

Ohio town will, in fact, take it.
North Korea starts millions of new farms.
Recycling: know where to draw the line.
Mother of all humanity lived 200,000 years ago, and you never once sent her a Mother’s Day card, you ungrateful brat.

In recent weeks, I have become quite fond of comedian Marc Maron’s WTF Podcast, which is essentially a show in which comedians talk about comedy, their hang-ups, doing stand-up, the somewhat insular community of comedians and whatever else they want to crack jokes about.
I’ve always been fascinated by stand-up comedy, and I even tried amateur stand-up myself for a short period in my late teens. My record was two successes and one terrible bomb, which was so devastating that I basically swore the enterprise off. That is, until I started …

Burglars LIKE this.
Yes, we’re surprised the Fox News reporter said this was an incorrect belief, too.
U.S. still pretty much in Iraq.
Something happens to some person you won’t even remember, like, a year from now.
Closure sought for family members who are probably dead themselves.

1 in 5 American teenagers has hearing loss. Other 4 just ignoring you.
Up to 80% of oil from spill still in the Gulf. Frankly, we’re too tired to try to act shocked about this.
Right wing radio host retiring, confuses “being criticized for screaming racial epithets at listeners” with “losing First Amendment rights.”
Blagojevich found guilty on one count of being a politician.
Elmhurt, Illinois, having conquered every other problem that besets small-town American cities, looks to ban eye-rolling.

Bullet-proof bear on the lam near Lake Tahoe. Residents are advised not to leave their pic-a-nic baskets unattended.
Kayne West and Justin Bieber finally become Twitter pals, which is apparently news and if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here sticking my head into this oven.
Mel Gibson claims to be victim of Arboreal Jew conspiracy.
Juggalos unable to cope with sudden acquisition of good taste, lash out inappropriately.
Of COURSE the new Facebook feature that people actually wanted turns out to be a scam.