News Briefs for Tuesday, March 9

Hand sanitizers prove to be ineffective in preventing infection. In other news, water is still wet.

Supreme Court to hear Westboro Baptist case. Universe expected to implode should Scalia and Phelps touch.

Home-schoolers prepped for lifetime of ignorance and fear.

Gun store owner upset over his Little League sponsorship being rejected. We can think of no reason why officials would be nervous over angry, drunk parents being reminded about guns when their kid’s team loses.

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