News Briefs, The Bulletin News Briefs for Friday, March 26 March 26, 2010 Dorian Teabagger with conscience found. In a related story, a blizzard advisory has been issued for Hell. Long-running movie-review TV show canceled as it’s realized nobody really cares if a movie is good or not anymore. New Michael Cera film imminent, public response inexplicably positive. Evidence of a new branch of extinct hominids discovered. Homo sapiens shouts “WOOOOO! EAT IT, LOSERS!” and adds notch to belt. Poll takers struggle to understand pretty basic concept of toddler-like selfishness.